I Was A "Better" Parent Before Kids

Let's face it... we are always better parents BEFORE we ever even have children. We look at the kid throwing a screaming fit in the middle of the frozen food section at Walmart and swear we would never tolerate such behavior. I mean, that mom is just ignoring her kid and continuing to shop! *Gasp*

Then your sweet bundle of joy comes along and shows you how terribly you have been. Now instead of judging the mom at the grocery store, you look at her with that sympathetic look that says... I feel ya girl, I feel ya. 

So in honor of that grocery store mom, I have decided to share the top four (delusional) ways that I was a "better" parent before my son was born. 

1. My kid will not eat junk food. 

Ha! My kid eats cheezits and cheerios off the floor. I mean, germs are good for the immune system, right?

2. I am not going to put up all my breakables. I will teach him what is acceptable to play with and what is not. Just like my grandma did us.

😂 I know, this is hilarious, right!?!

3. I will not dump my kid off at Grandma's every chance I get. He's my kid to raise. 

Nope. I get it now. Mom's need those time when the kids are at grandma's so they don't murder anyone. Also so they can eat, sleep, and poop in peace. Who's ready to go see Grandma tonight?

4. I will not "bribe" my child. This is one of those that I completely go against every day. I am constantly negotiating with and bribing my little terrorist. At least goldfish crackers are cheap...

I think it's so funny now, looking back at how absolutely clueless I was. Moms I know you feel me. I know you too look back and giggle at your former resolve and parenting expertise.

And those of you who aren't moms... just know that right now, you are the "best parent" you will ever be! So judge away at my baby throwing a tantrum in the middle of the restaurant while I hang my head in defeat and ask for the check. Judge me for letting him try the chocolate cake or eat the french fries. Judge me for all the times I am selfish and I let him stay with his grandparents on the weekend so I can have a moments peace. Go ahead... I did before I had a kid. 

Confessions of a Stay At Home Mom

It's Monday. The Monday after daylight savings has sprung forward. Not that I could even tell. My 10 month old son doesn't sleep well, so neither do I. I knew that motherhood was going to be hard. Everyone had told me as much and I believed them. I just wasn't prepared for how hard. I wanted a baby so bad and I was going to be the perfect mom and love every minute of it. I had struggled too long to let fussy days and sleepless nights bother me.  

I was stupid. Living in a naïve dream land.  There are days, like today, when it's all too much. The fibromyalgia putting my body through hell, the four dogs that always seem to bark every single time the baby falls asleep for a nap; waking him, the endless list of chores I will never accomplish, and the ridiculous expectations (both of myself and of others) that I will never live up to. I can't work a “normal" job because I am too unreliable so I am a stay at home mom. I am the chick you ignore or make fun of as you scroll through facebook because she sells for a direct sales company. I am the one you judge for always missing social events.  

Today, I hate being me. Today, I hate being a sahm. Today, I just can't take it anymore. I am a failure and I am broken. My body has betrayed me and the constant pain has wore me down. I tell the dogs I am going to get rid of them if they bark again although I never would. I plead with my son, as we both cry in the floor, to just let go of me long enough so that I can put on some pants and maybe go to the bathroom. He doesn't listen. I place him in his crib and walk away as he screams bloody murder and sobs uncontrollably. I put on some pants. Not real ones, but more pjs. Real clothes are rarely worn. I go to the bathroom. My son is still wailing and I think how much of a horrible mother I am. I look in the mirror at my dark circles and a face I barely recognize and completely lose my composure. I am a horrible mother and I do not deserve him. 

I take my son in my arms as we both cry. When he realizes that I have tears streaming down my face, he stops crying. He looks at me with suck intention, puts his tiny hand to me cheek, and smiles. Then he hugs me. In this moment I am overcome with admiration and love for my son. Nothing else matters in that sweet little window of time. Not the bills that are piling up or the mountains of dishes and laundry left undone. Not anything, but those sweet little arms around my neck.  

I have no idea how I am going to do this. How am I suppose to handle the illness, the baby, the dogs, the husband, the bills, the housework? I am not that strong. All I know is that I will. And so we play. 

Bump Updates for weeks 24 & 25

I completely forgot to post last week so I will be posting both week 24 & 25's updates and recaps!  

24 WEEKS:

How far along: 24 Weeks

Total weight gain: 18 lbs.! I only gained 1 more pound, but it feels like so much more!

Maternity clothes: Oh yeah!

Stretch marks: Still none to be found!

Sleep: Elijah is preparing me to never sleep again…

Best moment of this week: Hearing my little man’s heart beat at the dr’s office.

Worst moment of this week: Hmm… having family belittle your feelings regarding your own event & realizing you sometimes have to let go of your “best friend” when they stop being your best friend… no matter how many years you have been together. Sometimes life happens & people grow apart. And that’s ok! It doesn’t mean it sucks any less though.

Miss anything: Life without heartburn…

Movement: He’s a movin’ & a grovin’ lately!

Food cravings: Strawberries and tacos!

Anything making you queasy or sick: If I try to make myself eat something I am not really in the mood for.

Have you started to show yet: Yes.

Gender: Boy!!

Labor signs: None.  

Belly button in or out: Almost popped out, but not quite there. 

Wedding rings on or off: Off! On a chain around my neck.

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy 

Looking forward to: Getting our tax return so I can finish furnishing the nursery! 

  

25 WEEKS:

How far along: 25 Weeks

Total weight gain: We are up to 21 lbs. now.... :( 

Maternity clothes: Oh yeah!

Stretch marks: Still none to be found!

Sleep: Whats that?

Best moment of this week: Valentine's dinner date with the hubby at my favorite restaurant!

Worst moment of this week: Elijah decided to stop moving for a while. We had to make a little trip to labor & delivery for some monitoring. He was doing just fine, but he gave mommy quite a scare!

Miss anything: Vodka... this week, vodka.

Movement: He barely moved at the beginning of the week, but now he has barely taken a break!

Food cravings: Strawberries and tacos.... still.

Anything making you queasy or sick: If I try to make myself eat something I am not really in the mood for.

Have you started to show yet: Yes.

Gender: Boy!!

Labor signs: None.  

Belly button in or out: Halfway popped out. 

Wedding rings on or off: Off! On a chain around my neck.

Happy or moody most of the time: Moody

Looking forward to: Baby shower #1 is in 2 weeks and #2 in 3 weeks! I can't wait!!!  

Bump Update - 23 Weeks!

Here we go with week 23's update and recap!  

How far along: 23 Weeks

Total weight gain: 17 lbs.! I jumped up 5 lbs. this past week alone! Not real happy about that...

Maternity clothes: Yup! They are such a blessing and so comfortable!

Stretch marks: None so far! Fingers crossed!

Sleep: Slept better this week. I think I'm just so exhausted my body doesn't care how much it aches!   

Best moment of this week: Baby boy finally kicked daddy! I am so glad he got to feel the miracle of our son the way I get to feel everyday!

Worst moment of this week: Probably having to listen to more politics at a family gathering... I just wish we could all move on and get back to enjoying our lives and each other! 

Miss anything: With all the political drama I cant seem to escape from I would kill to be able to hide away with a glass of wine in my hot tub!  

Movement: He's getting stronger everyday. We are starting to develop a pattern!  

Food cravings: Sonic double bacon cheeseburger! Thanks to my sister for getting me one!

Anything making you queasy or sick: If I try to make myself eat something I am not really in the mood for.

Have you started to show yet: Oh yeah!

Gender: Boy!!

Labor signs: None. Jut good ‘ol Braxton Hicks 

Belly button in or out: Almost popped out, but not quite there. 

Wedding rings on or off: Off L

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy 

Looking forward to: Getting our tax return so I can finish furnishing the nursery! 

Bump Update 01-22-17

Good evening! I've decided that at the end of each week I'm going to answer the following questions and share my bump pic. I know that no one is as excited as I am about my little rainbow baby, but it will be fun to see how the answers change as I grow larger and larger. 

How far along: 22 Weeks

Total weight gain: 12 lbs.

Maternity clothes: I finally broke down and bought some maternity clothes last week. I tried so hard to avoid it, but sometimes you need real jeans… not just leggings!

Stretch marks: None so far! Fingers crossed!

Sleep: Haha! I’m so uncomfortable and the heartburn is a nightmare. I forgot what sleep is.  

Best moment of this week: Hearing my little man’s heartbeat on the Doppler!

Worst moment of this week: Finding out I may have to be induced. Not the best news, but I will do whatever is best for Elijah when the time comes.

Miss anything: Alcohol! Lord knows some days I could use it!  

Movement: He’ not been as active this week, but he is still a mover and a shaker at night.  

Food cravings: Brownies. There may have been some tears shed over wanting a brownie… 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Any foul smell has me running to the bathroom. Thought I was over this after 13 weeks but I guess it’s back. 

Have you started to show yet: Oh yeah!

Gender: Boy!!

Labor signs: None. Jut good ‘ol Braxton Hicks 

Belly button in or out: Almost popped out, but not quite there. 

Wedding rings on or off: Off as of Thursday L

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy 

Looking forward to: Finishing up some of the decorations for my baby shower. 

Please excuse my homeless look this week... I was exhausted and not really feeling the whole picture thing.