July 25, 2016

Today is my appointment! This past weekend has been a roller-coaster of ups and downs. I would get a few good hours here and there where I could actually get up and move around, but then I would pay for it later. The pain has not only been in my head and jaw, but in my knees and especially in my hips and pelvic region. Even in my chest as I was on my way home from church yesterday. The numbness comes and goes as well, but is present in my feet and legs more often than not. I also have been enjoying the “bugs under the skin” issue again as well. I had been doing really well at battling my fatigue by getting healthy and I was even down to just ONE cup of coffee in the morning. Anyone who really knows me, knows that coffee is my crack. Unfortunately, since all of the other symptoms have become much worse, so has the exhaustion. I am not talking about feeling tired or worn out all day. I am talking about literally struggling to keep consciousness. My eyes feel heavy and droop closed at times, even during conversation. I have been getting splitting headaches the last three days as well. They aren’t migraines. I have suffered from those and they are much worse, but these headaches are killer none the less.

I feel like I have been living in a cloud as of late. It takes me 5-10 minutes just to write a simple text message I actually started this post last night, but couldn’t even remember how I had been feeling and my thoughts were all scrambled. When I opened it back up this morning I could barely make out what I wrote and I had to start over. I have been working on this one for about two hours. And thank God for spellcheck. It’s so frustrating. I feel like I am just dismissed when I tell people about my symptoms. Especially the “brain stuff”. I have always had blonde moments, just like everyone else, but this is different. I know myself. I had always enjoyed reading, at least two books a month. Now I can barely sit and read a chapter without getting confused and having to reread sentences over and over again. It is beyond frustrating and depressing.

I guess this is why I have been searching for God lately. I have harbored so much anger my whole life for the hell I have had to live through since I was just a baby, but now I am just tired. I don’t want to be angry anymore. I want to understand why. I need to give it all to God and hopefully he will show me the way.  

Well, I best be getting ready for my appointment and I will post an update this evening! Thank you all so much for your support and prayers.