Let’s Get Real

Well, it’s been a long nine months. As my life has seemed to fall apart, you have made yourself more and more sparse. A bestie is supposed to be someone you can count on. She's supposed to be there for me whether it’s for a bad fight with my crazy mother, losing a loved one, or just having a rough time adjusting to my newly drab and lonely life. Where have you been? Why should it always be up to me to pick up the phone and call or send simple text?

I will not apologize for my illness. When I tell you that I can’t plan too far in advance, or I cancel our plans last minute, it’s not because I’m a flake. And even if I say no 99% of the time, I still want to be invited. I’m sorry if you are sick of it and think I am just full of excuses, but please try to understand that even though I have an illness you can’t literally see, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I’m still a human being and supposedly your friend.

Do you think it’s all in my head? Do you think I’m lazy or just want pity? Do you really think that I enjoy missing out on having a life? Constantly going to doctor after doctor, taking 9 pills a day, and wearing a pain patch that literally eats my skin. I got laid off from my work at home job so now I have to worry about trying to find a job that will accept my calling in all the time, being late, and lack of physical ability. Sound fun? Do you think that I enjoy the stress this puts on my marriage?

I don’t want your, or anyone else’s sympathy. I want understanding. And I want my best friend. So I can’t come out on a regular basis, why not bring a bottle of wine to me for an impromptu girls night? I mean, I’ve offered girls night plenty of times… doesn’t ever happen though. The only time we ever talk is if I call or text you. I am so lonely, but you wouldn’t know that, would you? You have officially disappeared from my life. Some best friend.

I’m so hurt and I miss you. Well, the you that used to care about me. We used to talk constantly. I never thought the day would come when my daily texts would not include you. I have no idea what is going on in your life anymore. Are you happy? How are the kids?”. I just assumed you would always be with me through this roller coaster of trying to figure out a diagnosis. I guess it’s obvious we aren’t bffs anymore and I have to accept that. It’s fine really, I understand. It is hard to have a bestie with “baggage”.

So I guess I’ll say goodbye now. I do still love you and I always will. I wish all the luck and happiness in the world. Thank you for the good times we had. I will always cherish those memories.

“Strangers can become best friends just as easy as best friends can become strangers.” - Unknown